We will all face conflict within our relationships at some point of time. Taking the time to address these conflicts will help to maintain a healthy and loving relationship, but feeding these confrontational feelings and frequently arguing can cause fissures to build up in the relationship over time.

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THERE ARE NO

VICTORS IN WAR

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When we argue, there are no winners. Letting an issue escalate to the point of conflict and confrontation means the normal healthy lines of communication have failed.

 

While you may think that you have won the argument, the fact that an issue has escalated to an actual argument and conflict indicates that the communication within the relationship needs to be improved. 

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Also, people often behave poorly in an argument. Our behaviour may be bad in the heat of the moment, but we should remember that our partner is going to remember what we say and how we say it. Once you say something, you can’t take it back, no matter how much you wish you could.

 

Do not act in anger, you’ll only regret it later on.

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BE THE PEACEMAKER

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It’s easy to give in to your feelings of anger, especially when you feel that you’re in the right and your partner is being unreasonable. But while being the first to give in to something is more challenging, it’s definitely worth the effort if you are able to rise above your feelings of anger and frustration, and extend the olive branch to your partner.

 

It doesn’t matter if you’re right, the point here is to remember that you love one another, and that you defuse the situation.

 

Of course, the converse is quite the opposite - if you’re in the wrong, swallow your pride, admit your mistake, and apologise!

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A lot of us are prideful people, and it’s tempting to want to stick by what you think is right. Just remember why you love this person arguing with you, and ask yourself if your pride is worth straining your relationship. Communication is important - but it should be done politely, without argument or conflict.

 

De-escalate the situation, and address the issue when everyone has calmed down.

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Perhaps you can both agree to take a step back, stop arguing, and talk about the issue at hand the following day. By then, usually most people have calmed down and would be more coherent and rational, and less emotional.

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NO FROWNS IN BED

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What my wife and I have found to be a useful little tip is to try to not go to bed angry with one another. If we have a disagreement, we try to sort it through before we turn in together. Given that we both share the same bed, you can imagine how unpleasant it’d be to be silently fuming in bed, next to the person who upset you!

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Some people may feel it’s better to just sleep the unpleasant feelings off and deal with the issue the following day, but what we’ve found is that it’s actually pretty difficult to get a good night’s rest when you’re angry and upset over something. Sorting through the issue before bed will help you sleep better, and feel better the next day.

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Besides, it’s a lot more fun to make up and snuggle up in bed together, rather than be angry in bed, and push each other to opposite ends of the bed (or out of it!).

 

A lot of the physical touch in marriage comes from cuddling up together at the end of the day, and we wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

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WRAP IT UP!

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We all think we’re in the right in an argument, but it is important to be gentle with your loved ones, instead of focusing on winning the argument. Try to reach a resolution when conflict arises, and don’t leave issues to grow and fester over time. You don’t need to solve the problem by the end of the day, but you should try to aim to stop the conflict and argument, and go to bed happy, with a clear mind and heart, especially if you and your partner share the same bed.