It’s natural to get angry with your significant other from time to time. We are all human, and make mistakes. We all have emotions, and sometimes those emotions may get the best of us.

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THE HONEYMOON PHASE EVENTUALLY ENDS

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During the ‘dating phase’ of the relationship, we tend to overlook the flaws in one another. We’re very taken with each other, and focus mainly on the good aspects in each other’s character. This ‘honeymoon period’ in the relationship will last for a while, although the duration varies between people. Some couples find that it extends on for years and years, while others may find themselves a little less patient with their partner.

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As time goes by and you and your partner start living together, the little flaws in each other become more evident, and they can sometimes be the focal point for arguments. 

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It is only natural, since feelings of intimacy may wane with time, especially if you do not take the effort to build and maintain your relationship. What I’ve found is that your response to these little flares matters a great deal.

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ANGER BEGETS

MORE ANGER

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When facing confrontation, most people respond in kind, reacting in anger and aggression. When you think your partner is being unreasonable, it is tempting to lose your temper, and to scold them. But anger only begets more anger, and without one partner in the relationship deciding to take the high road and stop the argument, the conflict can easily escalate into an unpleasant quarrel with important ramifications for your relationship.

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It is therefore vitally important to react well to conflict within the relationship.

 

However, you should not confuse this with avoiding confrontation at all costs. You matter, and talking about things that bother you is crucial to maintaining a healthy relationship.

 

For example, if your spouse does something that bothers you a lot, you should try to talk about it, instead of keeping silent and simply tolerating it. Building a metaphorical dam to hold your emotions in is a recipe for disaster. You will eventually lose control of your emotions, and the longer you wait, the worse the emotional explosion will be, when it finally comes. 

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COMMUNICATION IS KEY

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Communication is important in the relationship. A healthy relationship cannot exist without meaningful lines of communication about both the good and the bad in the relationship. However, these communications should be done in a civil and polite manner. You can hardly blame your partner for reacting poorly when you make fun of their behaviour, instead of telling them something nicely.

 

A discussion is always more productive than an argument, and infinitely more pleasant.

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When conflict does come (and it always does, in any relationship), you must do your utmost best to address the issue well. Your partner will remember how you react and how you behave and what you say, for life. Instead of looking at a conflict as a problem, look at it as an opportunity to improve yourself, and also show that you can handle confrontation in a mature manner. 

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Be patient, and listen to what your partner has to say. Let them have their say, and try not to cut them off. Do not make fun of them, or demean what they say. Simply listen, and find out what concerns them. Try to give them your undivided attention, rather than dismissing their complaints out of hand.

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YOU AREN’T ALWAYS RIGHT

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Recognise when you are in the wrong. If you have done something untoward and upset them, you should apologise, sincerely. Trying to justify your actions and defending yourself for something wrong that you have done simply reflects poorly on you, and many times you will not change your partner’s mind as to where blame should be laid.

 

When you apologise, mean your apology. Giving a half-hearted ‘sorry’ or apologising in a sarcastic tone is bound to trigger off more problems.

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Of course, the converse holds true as well - if your partner is being unreasonable or is saying something that isn’t quite right, you should try to correct them nicely. Nicely being the key word here. Explain yourself calmly and politely. The point of your dialogue is to have a discussion, not to get into an argument and see who wins.

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BIGGER PICTURE

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I’ve personally found it immensely useful to think about the happy memories I’ve shared with my spouse, and think about how much she means to me. I remind myself of my wedding vows, and how I promised to love her and to take care of her.

 

Those momentous vows, coupled with the knowledge that we have our whole lives together ahead of us, help me remember that although an argument may seem like something very significant at that point in time, my wife and I have a lot more time together, and the tone of those future days very much depends on how we carry ourselves with each other.

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Focus on the bigger picture, and remember how and why this person is important to you. When you are able to take a step back from the conflict and remember your love for your partner, it is easy to disengage from the argument, and make up with one another.

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WRAP IT UP!

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Every relationship will inevitably have some sort of conflict at some point in time. How you react to each other is important. Take a step back, remember your love for each other, and take the time to have a meaningful discussion about the matter at hand, rather than a shouting match.